Today marks four months since the Mr. and I got married. Four months since that giddy day filled with stolen kisses, swishing dresses, and sweet-somethings said at the altar. What a whirlwind of a day, and yet, one of the least stressful days I have had this entire year. Marrying my best friend surrounded by the love of our family and friends was the most at-peace I could be.
People keep asking me if being married feels different or what has changed now that we are married. It’s a tough question to answer quickly, but I’ll try to capture it here. Four months is a drop in the bucket when it comes to the lifetime of marriage we are promised to one another. Yet, I feel like we have both learned and grown so much already.
Getting Married Changes Nothing
The Mr. and I dated four years before we got married. In fact, our wedding was on the anniversary of our first date. (How cute right?!) That is to say, we knew each other pretty well by the time we got married. We knew each other’s pet peeves, deep hurts, and intense desires. Marriage has not changed those things.
Marriage is not a quick fix. Marriage doesn’t cure loneliness or boredom. It doesn’t automatically heal old hurts. It doesn’t turn you into a super-powered wife or husband, able to meet your spouse’s every need. It doesn’t cure selfishness. It doesn’t change the silly arguments you’ll have over where to eat or the arguments you have at 1 AM when you are both too tired to fight any more but don’t want to go to sleep angry. Being married doesn’t change who you are alone or who you are together.
Getting Married Changes Everything
Ha! Did I fool you? Actually in some ways, being married changes everything. Let’s start with the fact that at the end of the day I get to fall asleep next to the love of my life! Every night, I marvel at the simple bliss it is to have a person who loves me despite my morning breath; despite the fact that I wear old, baggy t-shirts more often than lingerie; despite my failure to remember to clean the counter, basically ever.
Over the past four months, the biggest thing that has changed in our relationship is transparency. Having dated for four years, we thought we knew everything about each other. But marriage reveals all. There is no hiding those bloated days or ugly cries from the person you share a bed with. But that’s just what makes marital love all that deeper and more special.
Marriage is powerful
Whatever marriage is, whether it changes nothing or everything, marriage is special. Because of how important the bond of marriage is, you shouldn’t take it lightly. Don’t make an assumption that marriage is right for you or wrong for you. For the first 18 years of my life, I was convinced I would never get married. That changed completely!
Marriage is hard work
Marriage takes time to get the hang of. It’s a huge growing experience and any time you aren’t working on your marriage, you will be letting your spouse down. But it is also one of the most gratifying things I have experienced in life and worth the effort. Keep falling in love, friends.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.